i don’t understand why it’s illegal to have sex with a miner they provide us with coal and electricity they deserve a little fun
The Rowdyruff Boys had two dads and nobody had a problem with it
One of them was even a cross-dressing devil lobster. Did anybody complain? Nope.
hey sheldon, what’s up?
the ceiling, of course
[extensively long laugh track, continuing on for minutes, breaking on hours. audience members are slowly dying of laughter, unable to stop. the actors want to cry out in grief for them to stop, but they are on set. it is a massive tragedy]
Jennifer- “I wasn’t that drunk” Josh- “You were crying because you wanted to meet Jennifer Lawrence”
my dad turned off the light while i was still in the room did you forget who decides to put you in the nursing home or not
so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy